Chicken Ass

First off a great recipe, as expected, by Rachel Ray: Late Night Bacon


And with that out of the way! As previously mentioned (at least I think) I am a sort of casual 'foodie.'


Foodie is a pretentious sort of term, like hipster, which  basically means I am a living, breathing, Hungry Hungry Hippo.


Also previously mentioned in this blog, I love Anthony Bourdain and have accidentally encountered him in my cyber space foodie fap sessions. Seriously, it was an accident like;
> http://boards.4chan.org/ck/
> http://www.notquitenigella.com/2010/08/02/anthony-bourdain-interview/
>http://cookingforassholes.blogspot.com/


Because apparently Bourdain thinks it's the funniest food blog there is out there. I was dubious but started my skim reading scroll down the page whilst rolling my eyes at too much foul language and an elitist sort of attitude. And then I slowed down..and started reading and realize this person was taking seemingly unreachable foods and translating them into foods that were as easy as falling off a log. Sidenote the terminology in Hebrew; easy peasy - (Bekalley kalloot) בקלי קלות 


I'm sorry, really, but I rolled to a complete stop in scrolling because I couldn't keep from laughing after this:"Love Birds OR Quail With a Bunch of Crap Shoved Up Its Ass and Braised in Red Wine"

Photo credit http://nibblingisencouraged.blogspot.com/

Because that is exactly what it looks like. Chicken that was forcibly drowned in red wine and molested up the no-no end with garlic mushroom stuffing but after it's trauma still looked good enough to rip apart with a fork. After all it's been through, all the PETA alert worthy trauma I would eat that poor, unfortunate chicken. 

Lots of pictures incoming sometime soon about kitchen and bathroom construction. Oh boy they look purdy! Speaking of getting ready for the big move I've called it quits with Rift (teh game) in favor of rushing around and slapping paint on the walls/throwing things in boxes/holy shit this house is broken/etc.

Etsy results for today's search: "Dirty Chicken"

"Hey baby, nice melons."
(Watermelon pun, srsly, look they're right there!)

Food Porn

I am so lonely and so bored without a job. I've done the housework, begrudgingly, but now we can eat off of clean plates and sleep on clean sheets. Huzzah for civilized living. 

Lately I find myself shopping at Big City Chick, oh sorry, City Chick, which is a well...a store for us ladies who stuffed in that last slice of cake. So while I can't cram myself into an 18 or barely a 20 at Jean's West, I can happily meander across the street to City Chick and hop into a slick fitting pair of jeans in their size 16. It feels like cheating at life, the numbers really mean nothing but the elation of staring doubtfully/defiantly at a 16 and then fitting a 16 feels like the euphoria of eating that cake slice that got me there.

Watching alot of Bourdain, reading food blogs, and watching alot of cooking with dog has led me to the conclusion that food has become my new porn. I watch these shows and suddenly I feel I am an expert chef, I can do anything, I can make a soufflé, I could totally do up some dumplings. So I waddle myself into the kitchen, hitch up my new size 16s and I make..popcorn. I figure what the fuck is popcorn anyways? It's like little magical fluffy kernels, it can't possibly have any calories in it. Here is where I apply my life long (23 year long) lesson folks:EVERYTHING TASTES BETTER WITH SEASONING SALT.

Bourdain would be ashamed. I know he professes the street food and simple foods love and all but I'm sure he'd ask for more vodka before even dreaming of taking a mouthful. I feel ashamed, for since food has become like porn for me this would be the equivalent in satisfaction of getting off while flicking through the preview pages of those "CREDIT CARD NOW, $15 FOR 3 MONTHS!" websites.

Speaking of Bourdain I think he's brilliant. I mean, I read Kitchen Confidential, the man must be brilliant since he can still even articulate a sentence after everything he shoved in his veins, etc, in the 80's. In my eyes he's lucky he's hasn't developed a tremble or speaks incoherently like a certain Prince of darkness we all know. I recently told one of my friends at a party my feelings for the man and he happened to have his laptop ready and available. Google is such amazing thing, within seconds I heard, "Ugh, seriously? You have got to have better tastes than that? He's like a fried dinosaur!" Awww, but come on, beauty is on the inside, right next to his smoker's lungs. 

"What the hell did I just read?"

Etsy results for todays search:"Food porn"