Monday, March 14, 2011

Things I don't get/Mother in law is pissed@me

Is it a cultural difference or is it the way I was raised?

Last night my husband went to a sleeping clinic to take care of/investigate his awful snoring problem which has caused me to vacate the premises and shove an inflatable mattress into the living room for my own use. And the cat's use...Don't ask me about how the sleeping clinic went, all I heard was that there were wires and shaving involved. Kinky.

Aww, kitty...back to teh serious >:0

So there have been alot of break ins in the area lately and last week I had some young guy knock on my door and when I finally answered he was looking around by the driveway, he was all "Uhhh, does Justin live here?" Well, no, el husbando has lived here for like 7 years or something, this is freakin' weird. So anyway it made me a tad paranoid. Well it's about 12:30 am and I'm curled up in bed with a Dresden Files book, one of the cats drooling all over my neck as I pat him and suddenly BAM! Whazzat?! >.>! It's windy as fuck and a branch or something bashes into the bedroom window. ACK! I run around and turn all the lights on, head swinging around like a maniac trying to find the ghost/burglar/invading cylons, etc.

There is nothing. It was a branch, obviously, now go to sleep you crazy. Okay...

Previously that day my mother in law had invited me to spend the night or call if I was scared or needed anything. One of my big things is that I really hate to inconvenience or bother people, I hate to feel like I owe them something or make them think I'm taking advantage of them and have no idea of how she'd react to me calling her at 1 am. Mind, I do, because her son is at university and he calls at midnight and later and she couldn't give a shit less. "He was worried," She'd say, "needed a chat with his mummy." I know, I know.

Well I spoke with her today, and she says, "How was last night?" and I say, "Oh yeah well, I was kinda spooked because it was windy but whatever." She flipped her shit. I tried to laugh it off but she was..actually mad at me?  Really, she berated me. How dare I not call her! I was scared, for heaven's sakes! Her call waiting is going off and she has to go now.

So my husband calls me to tell me he's coming home, sounds kind of tired but it's probably from the clinic. I over think things and send him a text like, "Are you okay?" and I get "We'll talk when I'm home, not bad." NOT BAD?! Ohmehgawd. He's kicking me out, he doesn't wanna move, he thinks I've been lazy, he thinks I'm addicted to Rift, holy shit did I not give the cats water, ohmehgawd. Run around, do the dishes, sweep the floors, clean ALL the poopoos, feed the kitties and the bunny, start dinner and wait...tickity tock.

So he's home and we have a sit down on the bed and I rub his back all nice and, "What's the matter?" It's nothing at all like I thought. He was just tired from the clinic, his work, running around Perth and he had a mighty headache. But apparently his mom gave him a ride home from the train station and voiced her concern about me not calling her up. She was very upset. She had told him that she'd thought I was over this, that I trusted them and loved them and she wanted me to be closer and feel like I was able to call at midnight, etc.

"I don't get it," I explained. I don't, I do lubs her <3 but I don't understand maybe what it is to be family?

(insert screwed up childhood sob story here)

Is it our cultural differences or is it my own upbringing/both?

I just feel like I'd be weak to rely on anyone and will push and struggle and suffer not to have to do that. I love them but I have never really seen how a proper family works. I don't know that I'm supposed to call if I feel scared. 

When I was a young girl of 16 my two aunts and my favorite uncle whom I'd always loved and admired went to visit my mom in the psych ward where she was before she was moved to a permanent nursing home. I was drained by the time we came out and I was having a hard time living in the custody of my aunt who was, I found out later, bi polar and addicted terribly to Xanax . My favorite uncle that I hadn't seen before I'd gone into foster care at 11 pulled me aside. This man had money, he owned a large real estate agency and he used to always invite us over for Easter/Christmas/holidays, etc for huge family gatherings He was a stable sort of person and had played a huge part in my much younger life. He asked, "Really, how are you doing living with your auntie?" And I laughed it off because I am the sort of person who makes light of things and pretend everything is alright when it's not, I said, "Oh it's alright, she gets a little pissy sometimes but I like her." Lies, lies, lies. And he says, "Well how was it when you were in foster care?" "Oh it was alright."

Foster care was a bad experience for me. The people I was living with were great, amazing people who helped me structure my life but they were extremely religious to the point of ludicrousness. The they found Harry Potter books in my backpack and stored them in  the shed for when I was leaving, they took my library card when I took out a book on dreams, couldn't watch TV because once I was caught watching a show on ghosts, no spare paper, no pokemon games, church twice a week and religious songs in the car. They weren't bad people, just oppressively religious. Like, Benny Hinn and speaking in tongues and falling over possessed by the spirit of Christ. Srsly now. I had a shaky time of my year or so with them and had a strange sexual experience that I would rather not have been involved in with one of the foster girls. That was a fiasco and did not turn out well. 

Looking back I can see maybe my uncle thought it really was alright and wouldn't see that I was lying to make light of it, I was SO excited to see him and just wanted to act cool about everything. So he says, "Now sweety if your aunt isn't turning out well with you then why don't you go back into foster care?" My ears rang, I remember, with the dizzy feeling of disappointment and a kind of shame. I'd really thought he might be asking me to come live with him.

Anyways, family experiences until now, not so good. I'm finding it really awkward to settle into a position with my few family here in Australia, even though it's been about 2 years since I've come here. I didn't mean to type that little story out, ugh. Too late, it's sort of TL;DR anyways :)

(Visited on the weekend!)

Horsey Ass

Dat sum trees

Wall on a local cafe

Housy we're looking at

Etsy results for today's search: "Bad Childhood"

Seriously, didn't she get eaten and digested?

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sweetie. Not pissed, sad that you had to go through the night frightened. You need never feel like that again. You can count on us and remember your hubby adores the ground you walk on just like his family does. Nobody will ever kick you out silly billy.

    Loves and hugs