Morgenstern, my journey with IPL begins and HOUSE CHICKENS!

So I was reading this blog here because I have nothing better to do than cyber stalk people that I don't know IRL but are somewhat close to me (helloo gumtree, I know what you guys are selling!) So yes, I'm reading this blog and it appears to me that I've neglected something important. Apparently everyone needs to know what I'm currently listening to. So here goes. I hope you all knew I was this weird before posting this.

Brain Error-Nekromantix
Jonathan Davis/TheCure-Make me bad & In between days
Die Antwoord-Expensive Shit
Rammstein-Gib mier deine Augen
Oomph-I'm going down
Oomph featuring Nina Hagen-Fieber
Apocalyptica featuring Nina Hagen-Seemann
Devin Townsend Project-Vampira
Feuerschwanz-Zehn kliene Ritterlein
This 'Nosferatu Tribute'

That is a pretty strange mix, I'll admit.

Music has always heavily influenced my life in many ways. I must say that Rammstein has had, by far, the heaviest influence on my life so far. Where would I be if I hadn't heard the song Amerika when I was 16 and asked my uncle why they sang about my country that way? For certain that song opened my eyes to corporate greed and how it had taken over the world, made me doubt a little bit that not everything was apple pies and sweetened iced tea.

The song that's been overplayed and exhausted in my house and is finally coming to the middle chorus in my life is Rammstein's Morgenstern.

"She's so ugly that it gets dark 

when she looks into the sky
Then the light is frightened
It shines into her face from below
So she must hide during the day
She just doesn't want to scare the light
She lives in the shadows until the glow fades
She sees a star shining in the twilight and pleads
Paint beauty onto my cheeks

Morningstar, oh shine
onto the visage of mine
Cast a warm light
onto my frightening face
Tell me I'm not alone
Ugly, you are ugly"

This is my song, especially at the moment when I'm dreading tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'm going to my first appointment for IPL to get the hair removed from my face and I'm not so sure it's going to be a walk in the park. It's definitely time for it, Janine and Alan have stepped up to help me on my journey into hair-free land and I could not be more grateful. It is ungodly expensive and the manager of Smooth Synergy assured me that since the hair is caused by hormones that it is definitely not 100% but it will cause a huge reduction and she would know because apparently she could have grown a goatee in high school. Well that is definitely reassuring though because her face was as smooth as a baby's bottom, let me tell you.

END DEPRESSING POOPSIEDWABBLES

　 ／l、

ﾞ（ﾟ､ ｡ ７

　l、ﾞ ~ヽ

　l、ﾞ ..ヽ

　じしf_, )ノ

THIS IS THE STORY OF A NAUGHTY BURDEN 
(bird+chicken=burden)

Once Upon a time there was a mob boss named Little Boy and a mob wife named Bearded Lady. They loved each other in the way that only chickens can love and took many dust baths together through out the day. 

Lady was one tough little chicken and was top girl in the Naked Neck pen, even though she herself was indeed not so naked. She protected her eggs and once she found out her spot was discovered she quickly found another place to lay in peace.

Until the Giant Human Person came along and found her secret nest, chock full of goodies!

 Blackie has become the resident house chicken and lives in her own private condo above the rabbit's hutch. She comes in through the door at 5:30 each night and peeps loudly on the kitchen floor until we give her her own private dinner. That night it was bits of bread with milk and tea. All over my floor. -loud beak wipe-

 Megan also gets fed and spoiled to hell sometimes;karma for years of canned tuna with ramen noodles. Thanks Sun and Christine, we had a great night :)

The best anti-depressant is chicken shit.

Sometimes life is pretty shitty poopy meh BLEH.

Mind you, my life has vastly improved at a substantial rate the last few years. But for awhile there I just didn't want to get the fuck out of bed and if I did get out then all I'd want to do all day is crawl back in and wait for my sub conscious mind to make acid dream fairy tales for me. For a few years I was in alot of pain from an old neck injury and it all escalated  to the point where I tried to quit my job and could only work 1 or 2 days a week at one point. Even then I'd be down and out with massive migraines, popping panamax candy pills 3 times a day and relying on a steady supply of vodka to help me forget how much I hurt and to help me sleep.

I was not good company at this time. My husband is a brave man but sometimes I think I really exhausted him. Thank god I have alternatives like work husband (Joe), cat husband (Crunchie), rooster husband (Little Boy) and chiropractor husband (Ryan).

Thank the gods that my chiropractor fixed me, after months and months of treatment that started at twice a week and are now once a month; finally! I'm super excited to be testing my strength as of late and was able to haul dead trees around the property last weekend, carry 25 kilo bags of chook feed and carry in the gas bottles, all without screaming "JARRAD!" Which became Connie and Fiona's favorite line before they left for Gingin :P

Anyways, I went to my doctor to be taken off of the sleep aid/pain killer/mild anti depressant (Endep) that she'd put me on and asked for a real anti depressant. Going off of Endep was a step in the right direction as I found out that it was keeping me from really being awake at all. I felt groggy and depressed for the first 6 hours of every day and while it did help me communicate more, it was only really effective for the last half of the day. So I went off of it with my new script in hand and waited for the drug to wear totally out of my system, taking about two or three weeks where I developed an awful stutter as a side effect of coming down.

So did I really need an anti depressant? I didn't want to and became quite stubborn to the idea as I came more and more into myself. So I'm naturally shy and a modest, moral, yes-man. I've been making the point to become the loudest, most out-spoken and most sure of myself person that I can be. Baby steps here, baby steps.

So I sit here with an unopened white box of Escitalopram next to me. It feels like a small victory to me. I feel like I'm growing into myself. Growing up to be the person that I am meant to be.

Alot of people ask me why I don't go to school and don't I want to be a teacher or doctor or a lawyer? These are not the things I wanted to be when I grew up. When I was growing up I wanted to be safe, married to someone I loved with my own house and a big backyard and have lots of animals. Guess the fuck what?

I have everything I've ever wanted. Even if I don't have some crazy glamorous life style I feel like I'm living the dream here. Surrounded by too many highly flammable trees and way too much chicken shit.

Up at 7 AM from all the racket, the chickens watch as I pour my morning coffee.

 ^Chickens are nature's anti deppresant^

Oosker (Oscar) and his girls.

I put the plastic egg in there and a week later they seem to get the point.

Lady's first eggs, waiting for the incubator.

Me trying to drive Jarrad out of his mind :)

^Living with other people is also an awesome anti depressant^

(Especially when they cook Korean food for you)<3